One of the things you have probably noticed is that I tend to only talk about a few of the principles from each chapter. I do this in order to give you some immediate application steps that you can implement at home. This book is extremely insightful and this next chapter that I read proves just that. Please don’t limit your reading to only this blog. Buy the book. It’s great and really isn’t that long. It around 120 pages and it is well worth it. You can find this book in the bookstore at church.
If you searched for answers to the week one questions you have probably discovered that adolescents today is different from your time. Peer pressure is not exactly the same is it? Peer pressure for many individuals consisted of two or more people engaging in a behavior they all knew was wrong. However, “in today’s you-decide-for-yourself-what’s-right-and-wrong world, peer pressure typically takes the form of an unspoken expectation to participate in behavior that the overwhelming majority of your teen’s peers---and our culture---believes is normal, right and expected.” (Mueller pg. 52) Not only have you noticed that peer pressure is different but so is the way that teens communicate. Much of face to face contact seems to be less and less as things like texting, facebook, and twitter continues to grow.
This time can be difficult for parents as their child’s relationships with peers seem to take precedent over family. However, Mueller encourages parents not to “misinterpret this as rejection.” (Mueller pg. 50) One of the goals of parenting is to raise our children in a way that one day they will become independent, living their lives for the glory of God. It is during this time that parents start to see their children taking bigger steps of independence with jobs, cars, college choices, and friendships. This is normal, and a great opportunity for parents to engage their teen’s lives. One thing that Mueller says is that studies do show “that teenagers are increasingly expressing a desire to spend more time with their families.” (Mueller pg. 51) There are many speculations on why this may be, but in my experience with talking to teens this seems to be the case. So make sure you’re around for times of spontaneous deep discussion with our teen (if you haven’t gone out to eat with your teen yet this could be a good time).
With that Mueller again gives some great suggestions for parents. As teens begin to build relationships with other peers it is important that we model what a real friendship looks like. I once heard someone say that more is caught rather than taught. That could be true, and as parents we need to make sure that we are living out Matt. 22:39 to “love our neighbor.” Think of the way you talk and act around friends, family and co-workers. If you are like me you haven’t always lived out Matt. 22:39. This is a great time to confess your faults to God, and also confess to your teen. Share with them how this isn’t the way Jesus desires for us to treat others, how you’re so appreciative of his grace, and how that grace is still working in your life. This will show them not only that you are still growing in your faith, but also how they are to respond when they sin.
One other thing we need to do is over communicate our love for teens. You probably remember how hurtful teens can be toward each other during conflict. Things are said that tend to leave a lasting impression. Studies show that a close relationship between parents and teenagers increases self-esteem and the ability to stand up to negative influences. So take time today to say and show your teen how much you love them. “Resiliency is built into our kids through building relationships with our kids.” (Mueller pg. 54)
A Couple of Questions to Consider:
1. What are some current peer pressure expectations of teenagers today?
2. How can I say and show my teen love in a way that they will receive it? (Book: 5 Love Languages of Teenagers)
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