Think back to when you were a teenager. How did you feel? What changes were you experiencing? What were your biggest fears? What would you have done differently? I can recall many conversations with college students and young adults that contain this line, “If only I knew what I know now back in high school I would have ________ (fill in the blank).” The sad thing to me is when that line is said with a feeling of regret. As parents we have an opportunity to help change that line for our kids as we share with them the truth of the scriptures through both our words and actions.
In Chapter 3 Mueller does a great job talking about the physical changes teenagers experience. One thing he points out is how these physical changes are starting earlier in life. Back in the 19th century puberty began around 17, but today it is “happening at the average age of 12.” (Mueller pg. 38) There is speculation to why this is happening but one thing is true, the mind hasn’t caught up with the body.
Teens live in a culture in which the media floods them “with thousands of images daily, each one contributing to a set of appearance standards that become the benchmark for being normal, acceptable, likeable, and lovable.” (Mueller pg. 40) Our teens’ world is filled with an immense amount of pressure to live up to that unrealistic cultural norm. This can lead to standing in front of the mirror questioning their physical appearance, an increase in excessive exercise, potentially unhealthy eating patterns, parental conflicts over dress, and more. It’s true that this can become a frustrating and stressful time for parents. However, it is important for us to realize that much of this behavior can be rooted in a belief that not living up to this cultural norm can leave a teen feeling unloved and unaccepted (this is especially true for middle school students in which being accepted is extremely important). Therefore, instead of addressing only the behavior, we need to also lovingly address the belief with the truth of God’s word.
Mueller gives several insightful suggestions for parents, but one over arching point is that parents have a tremendous opportunity to speak truth into their teen’s life during this strenuous time. One thing that I know to be true is that teens can and will at times push back from your conversation. This can especially be true when having “the talk”. I have seen this happen not only to parents, but also from youth leaders that have tried to have a conversation with teens. No matter how much they push back, we need to lovingly fight through it. Teens are looking for answers to their questions, and if parents don’t engage into this discussion they will seek answers from peers and media. “The Talk” shouldn’t be a one time conversation, but a series of conversations. Take time to find out what they believe about sex, friendship, their identity, and more.
Parents, let me encourage you to invest time and money into these conversations. Set up a consistent time for you to take your teen out for a meal and commit to turning off both of your cell phones. Talk with them about their lives, and show them that during that meal they have your full attention. It is our joy to assist you as you lead your kids. Please don’t hesitate to contact us if there is anything we can do to help you. Know that we are diligently praying for you all.
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