Think back to your teenage years and do an honest assessment of your intellectual ability during that time. Many of us can think back to poor decisions we made and how we are so thankful that things didn’t get worse. If you were like me, during that time you thought you knew everything. Parents and teachers didn’t quite have the same intellectual superiority to us that they did when we were young kids. In Chapter 5 of The Space Between, Mueller does a great job quickly explaining some of the intellectual changes teenagers make.
In week three of this blog series I made this statement in regards to teenagers, “the mind hasn’t caught up with the body.” While reading this chapter you’ll understand why. Mueller shares some pretty interesting insights to the teenage brain development. On page 63 he quotes an expert in brain development, Laurence Steinberg of Temple University, as saying, “The parts of the brain responsible for things like sensation seeking are getting turned on in big ways around the time of puberty, but the parts for exercising judgment are still maturing throughout the course of adolescence.” On this same page Mueller shares how “the brain’s prefrontal cortex is the last part to develop. This is the area that controls impulses, planning, organizing, prioritizing, judging future consequences, making complex assessments, self-control, and emotional regulation.” With that Dr. Mueller devoted a section of this chapter to sexuality and the reason it is so important for parents to model and teach what God’s word has to say about this topic.
Mueller made some interesting statements in regards to teenage sexuality while referencing the book Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex Is Affecting Our Children by Drs. Joe S. McIlhaney, Jr. and Freda McKissic Bush. He quotes this book as saying that sex before marriage can damage “the important, built-in ability to develop significant and meaningful connection to other human beings. Another negative consequence is that as young people experience these sexual relationships” it’s “molding them to not only damage their attachment ability but to become desensitized to the risk of short-term sexual relationships, eventually believing that this behavior is harmless and acceptable, and does not involve the psychological and mental health part of themselves.” What is interesting is how the research showed that by honoring the God-given principles for sex in scripture, teens and adults experience sex the way it was always intended to be.
Mueller gives several great suggestions for parents. One that stuck out was to challenge teens on their views and beliefs that you may not agree with. He talked about how he didn’t hesitate to share his concerns in regards to his children’s media choices, but he encouraged them to “make a case for why I might be wrong.” (Mueller pg. 68) By doing this he believes that parents can help their teens develop some critical thinking skills that will help their development.
One other area he talked about was correction. He said there will be times in which “you’ll become your teenager’s prefrontal cortex.” (Mueller pg. 68) When I read that I laughed. What a picture! Anyway, just like in the very first blog on the book “Pastor Dad” I would encourage you to spend hours with your teen enjoying that relationship. Remember your teen is a gift from God. We are not saying to be soft, but rather that correction happens best in the context of a loving relationship. Hebrews 12:6 tells us that God disciplines those he loves. There will be times in which we must protect our kids, but make sure to model right and wrong and to explain the consequences.
As always, we’re praying for you.
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