There are certain things in my life that I dread. In many ways I’m still like a kid. I dread taking out the trash on a windy day, getting up early after going to bed really late, and eating my vegetables. Yes, I still have to be promised dessert to pound a pile of broccoli. Thankfully my kids so far aren’t showing signs of that last one. However, being a fairly new parent I have received a lot of advice over the years from other parents. One of the things that I can’t help but to notice is the sense of dread that comes into many of their voices the moment they begin to talk about the teenage years.
Take a few seconds to think about that word…teenager. What immediately comes into your mind? How do you feel?
What I love about Dr. Mueller is his realistic, yet also optimistic, view of the teenage years. On page 12 he quotes Sigmund Freud as suggesting that “adolescence is a temporary mental illness.” When I first read this I laughed out loud. What an outlook! I know over the years of working with youth that it can be easy to have this perception of teenagers. However, I believe we would both argue that should not be the case.
Mueller believes that the teenage years of a child’s life is a great opportunity for parents and teenagers to grow in their faith. On page 10 he talks about a father’s perception of the adolescent years when he writes, “He was viewing adolescence as something to survive, rather than seeing it as a God-given opportunity to depend on God for guidance and wisdom that would not only help him point his kids to the cross and spiritual maturity, but take him there as well.” Can you relate with that father’s perception? I know of parents that can. Take heart, that’s normal. Mueller agrees that raising teens can at times be extremely frustrating. However, he encourages us to not allow our “fears, confusion, frustrations, or lack of understanding to cause us to turn blind eyes and deaf ears to them.” (Mueller, pg. 16)
With that I want to take a minute to share with you just a couple of the seven truths that Mueller encourages parents to embrace when raising teenagers.
1. Teenagers are a Gift from God
Do you believe this? I imagine at times we all do, but then there are times that it may not feel like it. When this happens we need to allow the truth of the scriptures to interpret our emotions, while not letting our emotions interpret the scriptures. It is absolutely true that children are a tremendous gift from God (Ps. 127:3-5), even in their teenage years. I know before we became parents we did a lot of research and studying on how to parent. However, no matter how much we tried to learn there are certain things that we just couldn’t prepare for. If you asked us we would definitely admit that there have been surprises and things that came up that we didn’t expect. Now that we have two children things have gotten even more interesting. Many parents that I have talked to feel like they’re all alone, but you’re not. All of us have experienced joys and struggles in parenting. However, when we understand this truth that children are really a gift from God it can help us to have the right perception of our kids during the times of great delight and great struggle. My encouragement would be to grab a piece of paper and write out all the ways you see how each of your kids are a gift from God. Be specific and it may not be a bad idea to share this with your teen. It may help them to see how much they mean to you, but more importantly how much they mean to God.
2. Helpless Is a Good Place to Be
At first I imagine you’re taken back by that line. You may be asking yourself how being helpless can be a good place? Many seem to believe that following Jesus promises a pain and problem free life. Yet, scripture doesn’t say that. In the first chapter of James we read to consider trials in life with an attitude of joy. Why? Because it in through trials we experience growth and maturity in our relationship with Jesus. The teenage years can be a trying time for teens and parents. Yet, these trying times are not going to be wasted by God. He will use these times will help us to know the joy of growing deeper in our dependence on him. Mueller admits he experienced sleepless nights after one of his kids made a series of bad choices. It was during that time he began to understand the truth found in Psalm 13. He shares that “in the midst of my helplessness, God was seeking to be my help.” (Mueller pg. 26) He talks about how he would never ask for those experiences to be taken away as “suffering and helplessness are redemptive as God does his work in us. In fact, God is in the business of parenting us while we’re in the midst of parenting the children he’s given to us.” (Mueller pg. 27) Being a parent is just as much about our growth in Christ as it is pointing our kids to the cross. Maybe this is one way in which you can see your kids a gift from God.
