Endurance

I remember being in college and a couple of my friends wanting to go out to the track at school and run some laps.  This in no way sounded appealing to me.  I am lucky enough to still get by without ever really exercising, and running long distances sounds about as fun as going to the dentist.  Reluctantly I decided to go but knew that this just wasn't for me. I would just go out and have some fun.  I went walking down to the track to meet my friends and strolled in with some athletic clothes, running shoes, and my 32oz Dr. Pepper.  Yes, probably not the best thing to take with you when you are running, but I lived off that stuff in college.  They thought it was pretty funny and proceeded to ask, "What are you doing with that thing?"  I simply responded, "I'm gunna drink all of it."

They did a quick stretch and we took off down the track. I did however set down my Dr. Pepper, knowing that I would soon return.  I started out just find and wanted to keep a quick pace to get this running stuff over with as soon as possible.  I rounded the first corner and was feeling great.  My legs were moving one after the other, my arms pumping. I looked like a runner.  I however, knowing my current athletic state, knew that it would not last.  Second corner came and went and when I got to the third all the joys that people find in a good run seized to exist.  I started breathing pretty hard, and asked myself why I even came out in the first place.  My legs started to feel weak and I sucked down as much air as I could get as I rounded the last corner.
My friends had completed their warm up lap and I made the decision that one lap is all I needed. I made it to the grass where we started, collapsed on my back, grabbed my Dr. Pepper and sucked it down like it was the living water. My friends, laughing their heads off, continued on their jog and got some great entertainment out of my suffering.
I did not have the thing that I needed to continue.  I did not have the endurance to keep running.  And without endurance, there is no way that you can ever be a runner.

Endurance is a necessity in life, especially in the Christian life. Jesus was very clear that life would not be easy for those who follow after Him. He assured that times will be tough, that it will be easier to quit the race and run to the sidelines, but when we depend on him for our endurance, we are able to continue on, even when we ourselves do not have the means, energy, or the determination.  Our determination must be simply to rely on Christ and not to complete the race ourselves.

I came across this verse in Galatians recently and was uplifted by what Paul had to say.
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
(Galatians 6:9 ESV)


Raising teens, volunteering and trying to lead teens are tiring jobs; jobs that take lots and lots of time to ever see results.  As we try to teach our teens and students about faith, about making right decisions, about depending on God, and about living out what they believe, it is more than easy to get discouraged. Time after time, they will not do what they have learned they should, they will not want to listen to us, or they will keep making the same mistake over and over. The only thing that pays off is endurance on our part as parents, mentors, and leaders.  We must never give up, we must never write them off, but we must have the endurance to continue through the seasons. If we do not give up and find our endurance in Christ, then in due season we will reap.  And the reward will be seeing your students or teens make that right decision, to apply what they learned into a real situation and simply to "get it."  To get what a relationship with Christ is all about.

Let us not grow weary - Jared Scheppmann 

Emphasize Jesus

My wife and I have begun reading Give Them Grace by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick & Jessica Thompson. I knew beforehand I would find the Holy Spirit sweetly convicting me of errors I have made as a parent, but I didn't realize that it would take place in the very first chapter. As a parent, I want nothing more than for my children to worship and treasure Jesus above all things. Yet, much of my parenting focus tends to say otherwise.

On pages 28-29 they say, "Right about now you might be wondering if we're saying that parents should never give their children any commands. Please don't misunderstand; we're not saying that at all.  Every faithful parent must give their children guidance, direction, rules, and commands. What we are saying is that these things are not to be the primary theme of our teaching. The primary theme is to be Jesus Christ and the work he's already done."

Those few sentences floored me. I tend to make "guidance, direction, rules and commands" the focal point of my parenting. What I have discovered is when I emphasize obedience rather than Jesus I am teaching my children that God's love for them is dependent upon them living rightly. I can't help but to think of how many of us, as parents, believe that as well. The human heart often defaults to earning our way to God. The law of God, and the commands we give as parents show children how to live rightly. However, just like our kids, we too have not been able to keep the law of God and even the law we have placed on our children. We tell our children not to talk a certain way to their siblings, but how often do they witness us talking that way to our spouse?

The biblical law shows us what is good, but it cannot make us good (Romans 7:7-8). Its purpose is to destroy our children's (and our) self-reliance "and drive them to Christ." (Fitzpartick & Thompson, pg. 36) When our children fail to adhere to the "guidance, direction, rules and commands" we give them we must not conclude the matter with discipline only. When they mess up it is a chance for us to also show them grace by telling them again the amazing story of Jesus Christ who loves them in spite of their sin, and came to rescue them, living a sinless life on our behalf (2 Corinthians 5:21), and by dying on the cross and raising back to life. Believing this, they will find the Holy Spirit turning their hearts to joyfully love God and love others (Matthew 5:37-39).

Danger! Moralistic Parenting!

My wife just ordered us Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick. To be honest, I am nervous about reading it. When trying to correct my kids, instead of leading my kids to Christ, I have often resorted to behavior modification. The latter is easier and brings quick results . . . that don't last. I am sure to find myself in deep repentance. Here is an article by Elyse from The Resurgence that I am sure you'll find beneficial. Below is an excerpt of what she has written. Check out the article by clicking here and think about picking up a copy of Give Them Grace. Praying for you all.

"Let’s face it: most of our children believe that God is happy if they’re “good for goodness’ sake.” We’ve transformed the holy, terrifying, magnificent, and loving God of the Bible into Santa and his elves. And instead of transmitting the gloriously liberating and life-changing truths of the gospel, we have taught our children that what God wants from them is morality. We have told them that being good (at least outwardly) is the be-all and end-all of their faith."

Get to Their Hearts

This is a short video by Pastor John Piper in which he addresses young pastors about their family. However, I felt this was applicable to all parents. Check it out and be ready to learn!

Being Honest

I can remember sitting down with my parents and hearing them share stories about their teenage years. What I appreciated was the fact that they were not always the hero or good one in every story they told. They shared their struggles and failures. As those stories resounded in my ears I found myself strangely drawn to them.

When we honestly share our struggles and failures with teens we open a pathway of communication. It allows them to not only hear your story, but also invites them to openly share what is going on in their life. You were a teen once, so please don’t act like you weren’t. Just like teens today, you possibly know the pain of having your heart broken, a friend betray you, getting in trouble at school, getting in trouble with the law, or making a mistake that you thought was going to be utterly devastating. What is your teen going through right now? What experience in your life relates to this moment? Share. 

5 Ways to Make Your Kids Hate Church

This is a really good article by Thomas Weaver on The Resurgence. It's not very long and I believe you'll benefit greatly from what he has written. Being a parent is difficult. We desire to be perfect parents but each day we end up falling short. With that, I want to share with you a quote I read from Paul Tripp on Twitter. He writes "God hasn't just called you to obey. He has also purchased the forgiveness you need when you don't." Keep that in mind as you read. Check out the article by clicking here.

Urgent Parent Blog: Dangers of Texting

This is a very troubling article of the dangers of text messaging. Parents, please take time to read through this. It will be worth your time. Click on the title for the article...Poisoned Web: A Girl’s Nude Photo, and Altered Lives. Below is the beginning of the article.

LACEY, Wash. — One day last winter Margarite posed naked before her bathroom mirror, held up her cellphone and took a picture. Then she sent the full-length frontal photo to Isaiah, her new boyfriend. 

Both were in eighth grade. 

They broke up soon after. A few weeks later, Isaiah forwarded the photo to another eighth-grade girl, once a friend of Margarite’s. Around 11 o’clock at night, that girl slapped a text message on it. 

“Ho Alert!” she typed. “If you think this girl is a whore, then text this to all your friends.” Then she clicked open the long list of contacts on her phone and pressed “send.” 

In less than 24 hours, the effect was as if Margarite, 14, had sauntered naked down the hallways of the four middle schools in this racially and economically diverse suburb of the state capital, Olympia. Hundreds, possibly thousands, of students had received her photo and forwarded it.

Loving God Above All

I recently sat down to start through Britt Merrick's book, Big God. To be honest, I wasn't prepared for the first chapter. In that chapter he shares a heart-wrenching story about his daughter's fight with cancer. What I appreciate are his blunt authenticity and his complete dependence upon God. Sitting in my office, I find myself sweetly convicted. Why? Well, he talked about loving God above all, even his child. He writes, "I can't tell you how many nights I've put Daisy to bed and said, "I love you, Daisy. Daddy loves you more than anything in the world." She always corrected me, "Nuh-uh, Daddy. Not more than God. You love God more than you love me. And I love God more than I love you." He goes on to write, “That’s the most wonderful thing you could ever hear as a Christian parent.” With that my heart cried out, “AMEN!” However, immediately I found myself repenting. Jesus says in Matthew 23:37-38 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment." Do your children know the greatest love of your heart? Do you know it? Is it rooted in the joy of loving God above all? These are the questions I find myself wrestling with now. Praying for you all.

How does the gospel conquer the sin of pornography?

The statistics with students and pornography are startling. This is a battle that many young men and young women will face. Below is a brief discussion from three very respected pastors and theologians on how the gospel can help one conquer this destructive sin. Check it out.

What is "Success" in Parenting Teens?

Let me be the first to say that I am not a perfect parent. Reading this article sweetly convicted and challenged me in some much needed areas. Rather than trying to summarize the article I have attached it for you to read on your own. Take it slowly and really focus in on what God is doing in your heart. It is a little long but please do not give up. It will be well worth your time. My goal is to post the best of what I read in regards to parenting and this is definitely one of them. Know that we are praying for you all. Click here to connect to the article.

How do you grow in your relationship with a child who is becoming an adult?

This is the second video we have posted from the CCEF. I highly encourage you to check out their site (http://www.ccef.org/). It is full of resources that are Christ-centered and extremely helpful.

What is the difference between loving and enabling?

Family Ministry: Discipleship Starts at Home

This is a great blog from Winfield Bevins at the http://theresurgence.com/. You can check it out here http://theresurgence.com/2010/12/02/family-ministry-discipleship-starts-at-home. One line from the blog that has impacted me greatly is "If every family in every church got serious about making disciples in the home, it would change our nation and our world." It's short and worth the time. Praying for you all.

How I Pastor My Family

This is a great blog from Justin Hyde of Christ Church in Brenham, Texas. It is well worth the time. Check it out here. http://theresurgence.com/2010/04/13/how-i-pastor-my-family

Gospel-Centered Giving by Tullian Tchividjian

Gospel-Centered Giving from Coral Ridge on Vimeo.

Short Video by John Piper on Teaching Children About Giving

Social Media and Culture

"Social media is also changing the way people spend their time. Recent statistics from Nielson indicate that Americans spend 906 million hours per month using social media. Twitter has over 100 million users. YouTube serves more than two billion videos a day. And Facebook reports that, worldwide, its 500 million active users spend a combined 700 billion minutes on the site each month. That’s roughly 24 hours per person, which is a lot of time to spend checking status updates and changing profile pictures." Check out http://www.gty.org/Blog/B101110 for more.

Again, I want to recommend the Hypersocialized Generation by Albert Mohler. It can be found here http://www.albertmohler.com/category/video/

Identifying Idols

AW Tozer once said, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” The reason for this is because we will inevitably worship and idolize whatever it is we deem most important. When many of us hear about idolatry we tend to think of an ancient group of uneducated people bowing down to some sort of statue. Even though we are more educated than previous generations we are still bowing down to idols. This is especially true in a teenager’s life.

Teens long for significance and identity. In their search to fulfill these desires many of them are driven to find their identity wrapped up in a person or thing. Tim Keller says that idolatry is often taking a good thing and turning it into an ultimate thing. Students do this very thing. They tend to take a good thing, like academic achievement, and make it an ultimate thing. When this happens their sense of identity is wrapped up in their performance in the classroom. This will result in failure becoming devastating, rather than seeing it as an opportunity to learn.

Many have bought into the lie that their significance, purpose, and identity are found in the things of this world rather than God. They believe that this world will bring them more happiness than God. This is also true even for adults. Jobs, approving relationships, academics, material possessions, and family are all good things. Yet, when they become ultimate things in our lives they destroy us. CS Lewis once said “Idols always break the hearts of their worshippers.”

God is the one who is supposed to be ultimate in our lives. As parents we must show our children that all of our identity is found in what God has done for us through Jesus Christ. One thing I constantly tell myself is that all of my significance, approval and worth is found in what Christ has accomplished for me on the cross, not in the approval of man (Gal. 1:10). As parents we must repent openly to our children of our idols, and constantly help point them to the truth found in Jesus. As Augustine once said, “"Thou madest us for Thyself, and our heart is restless, until it rest in Thee.” May we find rest in Christ, so we can guide our children.

Love Languages: Physical Touch

Some of the oldest social psychology experiments had to do with the effect of physical touch on the development of infants. The conclusion drawn from all of these experiments was that infants who were touched often and appropriately developed at a better and more healthy rate than those who were deprived of physical touch. I don’t think this would surprise most parents. We know that our physical touch is/was important to our babies.

But for Physical Touch kids, this need doesn’t go away when they’re out of Pampers and into Cruisers and beyond. In fact, for Physical Touch kids, this need may actually intensify as they mature and grow. When this need isn’t met, it can lead to some very high-impact negative choices and their consequences. Physical Tough kids will unconsciously seek to have this need for Physical Touch met. Premature and inappropriate sexual experiences often result from a kid not having their Physical Touch needs met in appropriate ways. And in a culture where sex sells everything and reaches out from every media source, the stakes are higher than ever for our kids’ purity. So learning to be effective in speaking the love language of Physical Touch is so important that it can hardly be overstated.

Physical Touch people hear “I love you” when they are touched. In ways almost opposite to Words of Affirmation people, for these people, your actions are more important than and speak louder than your words. A hug, a gentle stroke of their hair, a soft touch of their shoulder, pats on the back, holding hands, or one of dozens of other appropriate touches breath emotional oxygen into a Physical Touch person’s soul.

This is sometimes easier to work with when kids are young than when they are in their adolescent years. Many adolescents resist physical touch because they fear it will be misinterpreted by their peers as weakness and softness. This is especially, but not exclusively, true of boys. If you’ve tried to hug your boy when dropping them off for a school or church event, where there are other teens present, you know they will often bristle against your hug. This sometimes happens even with kids whose primary love language is Physical Touch. It can be a bit like hugging a porcupine. (By the way, you know how to hug a porcupine, don’t you? Very carefully…) But even when they seem to bristle, there’s a part of a Physical Touch kid that still longs to feel your loving and appropriate touch.

The word “appropriate” should be in ALL CAPS. The statistics for physical and sexual abuse in our culture are alarming. More lives than ever before have been wrecked because of inappropriate physical touch. National statistics indicate that one in three of the women who will read this blog have been physically and/or sexually abused. For men, the statistics are roughly half those of women. It’s an issue that isn’t going away in our world. So we have to talk about what is appropriate touch and what isn’t. But the fact is that doing this isn’t that difficult. The dividing line between appropriate and inappropriate touch is actually pretty easy to describe. Appropriate touch is non-sexual and non-violent. People who have no sense of the distinction for the line on these two things are called perpetrators and abusers.

Speaking your Physical Touch child’s love language is all about being mature enough to know where this line is, and letting it inform and educate your approach to your kid’s need, without letting it keep you from really engaging with them, physically.

Sometimes dads struggle to know how to engage their Physical Touch daughters, as their little girls become young women. Out of fear, some dads quit hugging and touching, altogether. They don’t want to offend their daughter or be misunderstood to be touching them inappropriately. This is a legitimate concern. But it doesn’t need to keep a dad from speaking his Physical Touch daughter’s love language. Affectionate hugs, gently stroking her cheek, or patting her on the back, or holding her hand are all ways you can speak the Physical Touch love language.

With boys, don’t be afraid to rough house with them, even when they get into their teens. Be careful, though. They might be able to take you out! Which they’ll rub in when they do. Just be emotionally prepared for the fact that you’ll have a little “Alpha Dog” competition.

Teen-aged boys also need other more affectionate touches from both their mom and their dad. Dad, don’t relegate the affection stuff to Mom. Pat your boy on the back, tussle his hair, even hug him. Look for the right time, but don’t quit being physically affectionate with your boy.

Some Suggestions

OK, that just scrapes the surface of the whole Love Language thing. It’s enough to get you thinking, but it’s not nearly enough to help you become really effective in speaking your kid’s (or your spouse’s) Love Language.

I have two recommendations for going further with this. First, go to this web site and access the many FREE resources available there (especially the Assessments): http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. I think it’s the finest resource you’ll come across for The Five Love Languages.

The second suggestion is that you purchase one of the Five Love Language books (we have them in our Canyon Echo Bookstore). Choose the one that seems to best fit with your family’s season. Read it for yourself, and let God use it to help you develop your skills as a loving parent.

One more suggestion… Keep checking back on this great blog. You can find all kinds of great helps and suggestions and resources here. Hey, we’re in your corner! We believe you can have a great family and raise fabulous kids. We’re your partner. And God believes this about you, too! Together we can form a great partnership.

The Hypersocialized Generation

Hey Parents & Students,
Go to this link (http://www.albertmohler.com/category/video/) and click on The Hypersocialized Generation video. It is well worth 35 minutes of your time. Hope you all are doing well. You're in our prayers.