Emphasize Jesus

My wife and I have begun reading Give Them Grace by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick & Jessica Thompson. I knew beforehand I would find the Holy Spirit sweetly convicting me of errors I have made as a parent, but I didn't realize that it would take place in the very first chapter. As a parent, I want nothing more than for my children to worship and treasure Jesus above all things. Yet, much of my parenting focus tends to say otherwise.

On pages 28-29 they say, "Right about now you might be wondering if we're saying that parents should never give their children any commands. Please don't misunderstand; we're not saying that at all.  Every faithful parent must give their children guidance, direction, rules, and commands. What we are saying is that these things are not to be the primary theme of our teaching. The primary theme is to be Jesus Christ and the work he's already done."

Those few sentences floored me. I tend to make "guidance, direction, rules and commands" the focal point of my parenting. What I have discovered is when I emphasize obedience rather than Jesus I am teaching my children that God's love for them is dependent upon them living rightly. I can't help but to think of how many of us, as parents, believe that as well. The human heart often defaults to earning our way to God. The law of God, and the commands we give as parents show children how to live rightly. However, just like our kids, we too have not been able to keep the law of God and even the law we have placed on our children. We tell our children not to talk a certain way to their siblings, but how often do they witness us talking that way to our spouse?

The biblical law shows us what is good, but it cannot make us good (Romans 7:7-8). Its purpose is to destroy our children's (and our) self-reliance "and drive them to Christ." (Fitzpartick & Thompson, pg. 36) When our children fail to adhere to the "guidance, direction, rules and commands" we give them we must not conclude the matter with discipline only. When they mess up it is a chance for us to also show them grace by telling them again the amazing story of Jesus Christ who loves them in spite of their sin, and came to rescue them, living a sinless life on our behalf (2 Corinthians 5:21), and by dying on the cross and raising back to life. Believing this, they will find the Holy Spirit turning their hearts to joyfully love God and love others (Matthew 5:37-39).