Emphasize Jesus

My wife and I have begun reading Give Them Grace by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick & Jessica Thompson. I knew beforehand I would find the Holy Spirit sweetly convicting me of errors I have made as a parent, but I didn't realize that it would take place in the very first chapter. As a parent, I want nothing more than for my children to worship and treasure Jesus above all things. Yet, much of my parenting focus tends to say otherwise.

On pages 28-29 they say, "Right about now you might be wondering if we're saying that parents should never give their children any commands. Please don't misunderstand; we're not saying that at all.  Every faithful parent must give their children guidance, direction, rules, and commands. What we are saying is that these things are not to be the primary theme of our teaching. The primary theme is to be Jesus Christ and the work he's already done."

Those few sentences floored me. I tend to make "guidance, direction, rules and commands" the focal point of my parenting. What I have discovered is when I emphasize obedience rather than Jesus I am teaching my children that God's love for them is dependent upon them living rightly. I can't help but to think of how many of us, as parents, believe that as well. The human heart often defaults to earning our way to God. The law of God, and the commands we give as parents show children how to live rightly. However, just like our kids, we too have not been able to keep the law of God and even the law we have placed on our children. We tell our children not to talk a certain way to their siblings, but how often do they witness us talking that way to our spouse?

The biblical law shows us what is good, but it cannot make us good (Romans 7:7-8). Its purpose is to destroy our children's (and our) self-reliance "and drive them to Christ." (Fitzpartick & Thompson, pg. 36) When our children fail to adhere to the "guidance, direction, rules and commands" we give them we must not conclude the matter with discipline only. When they mess up it is a chance for us to also show them grace by telling them again the amazing story of Jesus Christ who loves them in spite of their sin, and came to rescue them, living a sinless life on our behalf (2 Corinthians 5:21), and by dying on the cross and raising back to life. Believing this, they will find the Holy Spirit turning their hearts to joyfully love God and love others (Matthew 5:37-39).

Danger! Moralistic Parenting!

My wife just ordered us Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick. To be honest, I am nervous about reading it. When trying to correct my kids, instead of leading my kids to Christ, I have often resorted to behavior modification. The latter is easier and brings quick results . . . that don't last. I am sure to find myself in deep repentance. Here is an article by Elyse from The Resurgence that I am sure you'll find beneficial. Below is an excerpt of what she has written. Check out the article by clicking here and think about picking up a copy of Give Them Grace. Praying for you all.

"Let’s face it: most of our children believe that God is happy if they’re “good for goodness’ sake.” We’ve transformed the holy, terrifying, magnificent, and loving God of the Bible into Santa and his elves. And instead of transmitting the gloriously liberating and life-changing truths of the gospel, we have taught our children that what God wants from them is morality. We have told them that being good (at least outwardly) is the be-all and end-all of their faith."

Get to Their Hearts

This is a short video by Pastor John Piper in which he addresses young pastors about their family. However, I felt this was applicable to all parents. Check it out and be ready to learn!

Being Honest

I can remember sitting down with my parents and hearing them share stories about their teenage years. What I appreciated was the fact that they were not always the hero or good one in every story they told. They shared their struggles and failures. As those stories resounded in my ears I found myself strangely drawn to them.

When we honestly share our struggles and failures with teens we open a pathway of communication. It allows them to not only hear your story, but also invites them to openly share what is going on in their life. You were a teen once, so please don’t act like you weren’t. Just like teens today, you possibly know the pain of having your heart broken, a friend betray you, getting in trouble at school, getting in trouble with the law, or making a mistake that you thought was going to be utterly devastating. What is your teen going through right now? What experience in your life relates to this moment? Share. 

5 Ways to Make Your Kids Hate Church

This is a really good article by Thomas Weaver on The Resurgence. It's not very long and I believe you'll benefit greatly from what he has written. Being a parent is difficult. We desire to be perfect parents but each day we end up falling short. With that, I want to share with you a quote I read from Paul Tripp on Twitter. He writes "God hasn't just called you to obey. He has also purchased the forgiveness you need when you don't." Keep that in mind as you read. Check out the article by clicking here.

Urgent Parent Blog: Dangers of Texting

This is a very troubling article of the dangers of text messaging. Parents, please take time to read through this. It will be worth your time. Click on the title for the article...Poisoned Web: A Girl’s Nude Photo, and Altered Lives. Below is the beginning of the article.

LACEY, Wash. — One day last winter Margarite posed naked before her bathroom mirror, held up her cellphone and took a picture. Then she sent the full-length frontal photo to Isaiah, her new boyfriend. 

Both were in eighth grade. 

They broke up soon after. A few weeks later, Isaiah forwarded the photo to another eighth-grade girl, once a friend of Margarite’s. Around 11 o’clock at night, that girl slapped a text message on it. 

“Ho Alert!” she typed. “If you think this girl is a whore, then text this to all your friends.” Then she clicked open the long list of contacts on her phone and pressed “send.” 

In less than 24 hours, the effect was as if Margarite, 14, had sauntered naked down the hallways of the four middle schools in this racially and economically diverse suburb of the state capital, Olympia. Hundreds, possibly thousands, of students had received her photo and forwarded it.

Loving God Above All

I recently sat down to start through Britt Merrick's book, Big God. To be honest, I wasn't prepared for the first chapter. In that chapter he shares a heart-wrenching story about his daughter's fight with cancer. What I appreciate are his blunt authenticity and his complete dependence upon God. Sitting in my office, I find myself sweetly convicted. Why? Well, he talked about loving God above all, even his child. He writes, "I can't tell you how many nights I've put Daisy to bed and said, "I love you, Daisy. Daddy loves you more than anything in the world." She always corrected me, "Nuh-uh, Daddy. Not more than God. You love God more than you love me. And I love God more than I love you." He goes on to write, “That’s the most wonderful thing you could ever hear as a Christian parent.” With that my heart cried out, “AMEN!” However, immediately I found myself repenting. Jesus says in Matthew 23:37-38 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment." Do your children know the greatest love of your heart? Do you know it? Is it rooted in the joy of loving God above all? These are the questions I find myself wrestling with now. Praying for you all.