Tuesday, November 30, 2010
How I Pastor My Family
This is a great blog from Justin Hyde of Christ Church in Brenham, Texas. It is well worth the time. Check it out here. http://theresurgence.com/2010/04/13/how-i-pastor-my-family
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Social Media and Culture
"Social media is also changing the way people spend their time. Recent statistics from Nielson indicate that Americans spend 906 million hours per month using social media. Twitter has over 100 million users. YouTube serves more than two billion videos a day. And Facebook reports that, worldwide, its 500 million active users spend a combined 700 billion minutes on the site each month. That’s roughly 24 hours per person, which is a lot of time to spend checking status updates and changing profile pictures." Check out http://www.gty.org/Blog/B101110 for more.
Again, I want to recommend the Hypersocialized Generation by Albert Mohler. It can be found here http://www.albertmohler.com/category/video/
Again, I want to recommend the Hypersocialized Generation by Albert Mohler. It can be found here http://www.albertmohler.com/category/video/
Identifying Idols
AW Tozer once said, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” The reason for this is because we will inevitably worship and idolize whatever it is we deem most important. When many of us hear about idolatry we tend to think of an ancient group of uneducated people bowing down to some sort of statue. Even though we are more educated than previous generations we are still bowing down to idols. This is especially true in a teenager’s life.
Teens long for significance and identity. In their search to fulfill these desires many of them are driven to find their identity wrapped up in a person or thing. Tim Keller says that idolatry is often taking a good thing and turning it into an ultimate thing. Students do this very thing. They tend to take a good thing, like academic achievement, and make it an ultimate thing. When this happens their sense of identity is wrapped up in their performance in the classroom. This will result in failure becoming devastating, rather than seeing it as an opportunity to learn.
Many have bought into the lie that their significance, purpose, and identity are found in the things of this world rather than God. They believe that this world will bring them more happiness than God. This is also true even for adults. Jobs, approving relationships, academics, material possessions, and family are all good things. Yet, when they become ultimate things in our lives they destroy us. CS Lewis once said “Idols always break the hearts of their worshippers.”
God is the one who is supposed to be ultimate in our lives. As parents we must show our children that all of our identity is found in what God has done for us through Jesus Christ. One thing I constantly tell myself is that all of my significance, approval and worth is found in what Christ has accomplished for me on the cross, not in the approval of man (Gal. 1:10). As parents we must repent openly to our children of our idols, and constantly help point them to the truth found in Jesus. As Augustine once said, “"Thou madest us for Thyself, and our heart is restless, until it rest in Thee.” May we find rest in Christ, so we can guide our children.
Teens long for significance and identity. In their search to fulfill these desires many of them are driven to find their identity wrapped up in a person or thing. Tim Keller says that idolatry is often taking a good thing and turning it into an ultimate thing. Students do this very thing. They tend to take a good thing, like academic achievement, and make it an ultimate thing. When this happens their sense of identity is wrapped up in their performance in the classroom. This will result in failure becoming devastating, rather than seeing it as an opportunity to learn.
Many have bought into the lie that their significance, purpose, and identity are found in the things of this world rather than God. They believe that this world will bring them more happiness than God. This is also true even for adults. Jobs, approving relationships, academics, material possessions, and family are all good things. Yet, when they become ultimate things in our lives they destroy us. CS Lewis once said “Idols always break the hearts of their worshippers.”
God is the one who is supposed to be ultimate in our lives. As parents we must show our children that all of our identity is found in what God has done for us through Jesus Christ. One thing I constantly tell myself is that all of my significance, approval and worth is found in what Christ has accomplished for me on the cross, not in the approval of man (Gal. 1:10). As parents we must repent openly to our children of our idols, and constantly help point them to the truth found in Jesus. As Augustine once said, “"Thou madest us for Thyself, and our heart is restless, until it rest in Thee.” May we find rest in Christ, so we can guide our children.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Love Languages: Physical Touch
Some of the oldest social psychology experiments had to do with the effect of physical touch on the development of infants. The conclusion drawn from all of these experiments was that infants who were touched often and appropriately developed at a better and more healthy rate than those who were deprived of physical touch. I don’t think this would surprise most parents. We know that our physical touch is/was important to our babies.
But for Physical Touch kids, this need doesn’t go away when they’re out of Pampers and into Cruisers and beyond. In fact, for Physical Touch kids, this need may actually intensify as they mature and grow. When this need isn’t met, it can lead to some very high-impact negative choices and their consequences. Physical Tough kids will unconsciously seek to have this need for Physical Touch met. Premature and inappropriate sexual experiences often result from a kid not having their Physical Touch needs met in appropriate ways. And in a culture where sex sells everything and reaches out from every media source, the stakes are higher than ever for our kids’ purity. So learning to be effective in speaking the love language of Physical Touch is so important that it can hardly be overstated.
Physical Touch people hear “I love you” when they are touched. In ways almost opposite to Words of Affirmation people, for these people, your actions are more important than and speak louder than your words. A hug, a gentle stroke of their hair, a soft touch of their shoulder, pats on the back, holding hands, or one of dozens of other appropriate touches breath emotional oxygen into a Physical Touch person’s soul.
This is sometimes easier to work with when kids are young than when they are in their adolescent years. Many adolescents resist physical touch because they fear it will be misinterpreted by their peers as weakness and softness. This is especially, but not exclusively, true of boys. If you’ve tried to hug your boy when dropping them off for a school or church event, where there are other teens present, you know they will often bristle against your hug. This sometimes happens even with kids whose primary love language is Physical Touch. It can be a bit like hugging a porcupine. (By the way, you know how to hug a porcupine, don’t you? Very carefully…) But even when they seem to bristle, there’s a part of a Physical Touch kid that still longs to feel your loving and appropriate touch.
The word “appropriate” should be in ALL CAPS. The statistics for physical and sexual abuse in our culture are alarming. More lives than ever before have been wrecked because of inappropriate physical touch. National statistics indicate that one in three of the women who will read this blog have been physically and/or sexually abused. For men, the statistics are roughly half those of women. It’s an issue that isn’t going away in our world. So we have to talk about what is appropriate touch and what isn’t. But the fact is that doing this isn’t that difficult. The dividing line between appropriate and inappropriate touch is actually pretty easy to describe. Appropriate touch is non-sexual and non-violent. People who have no sense of the distinction for the line on these two things are called perpetrators and abusers.
Speaking your Physical Touch child’s love language is all about being mature enough to know where this line is, and letting it inform and educate your approach to your kid’s need, without letting it keep you from really engaging with them, physically.
Sometimes dads struggle to know how to engage their Physical Touch daughters, as their little girls become young women. Out of fear, some dads quit hugging and touching, altogether. They don’t want to offend their daughter or be misunderstood to be touching them inappropriately. This is a legitimate concern. But it doesn’t need to keep a dad from speaking his Physical Touch daughter’s love language. Affectionate hugs, gently stroking her cheek, or patting her on the back, or holding her hand are all ways you can speak the Physical Touch love language.
With boys, don’t be afraid to rough house with them, even when they get into their teens. Be careful, though. They might be able to take you out! Which they’ll rub in when they do. Just be emotionally prepared for the fact that you’ll have a little “Alpha Dog” competition.
Teen-aged boys also need other more affectionate touches from both their mom and their dad. Dad, don’t relegate the affection stuff to Mom. Pat your boy on the back, tussle his hair, even hug him. Look for the right time, but don’t quit being physically affectionate with your boy.
Some Suggestions
OK, that just scrapes the surface of the whole Love Language thing. It’s enough to get you thinking, but it’s not nearly enough to help you become really effective in speaking your kid’s (or your spouse’s) Love Language.
I have two recommendations for going further with this. First, go to this web site and access the many FREE resources available there (especially the Assessments): http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. I think it’s the finest resource you’ll come across for The Five Love Languages.
The second suggestion is that you purchase one of the Five Love Language books (we have them in our Canyon Echo Bookstore). Choose the one that seems to best fit with your family’s season. Read it for yourself, and let God use it to help you develop your skills as a loving parent.
One more suggestion… Keep checking back on this great blog. You can find all kinds of great helps and suggestions and resources here. Hey, we’re in your corner! We believe you can have a great family and raise fabulous kids. We’re your partner. And God believes this about you, too! Together we can form a great partnership.
But for Physical Touch kids, this need doesn’t go away when they’re out of Pampers and into Cruisers and beyond. In fact, for Physical Touch kids, this need may actually intensify as they mature and grow. When this need isn’t met, it can lead to some very high-impact negative choices and their consequences. Physical Tough kids will unconsciously seek to have this need for Physical Touch met. Premature and inappropriate sexual experiences often result from a kid not having their Physical Touch needs met in appropriate ways. And in a culture where sex sells everything and reaches out from every media source, the stakes are higher than ever for our kids’ purity. So learning to be effective in speaking the love language of Physical Touch is so important that it can hardly be overstated.
Physical Touch people hear “I love you” when they are touched. In ways almost opposite to Words of Affirmation people, for these people, your actions are more important than and speak louder than your words. A hug, a gentle stroke of their hair, a soft touch of their shoulder, pats on the back, holding hands, or one of dozens of other appropriate touches breath emotional oxygen into a Physical Touch person’s soul.
This is sometimes easier to work with when kids are young than when they are in their adolescent years. Many adolescents resist physical touch because they fear it will be misinterpreted by their peers as weakness and softness. This is especially, but not exclusively, true of boys. If you’ve tried to hug your boy when dropping them off for a school or church event, where there are other teens present, you know they will often bristle against your hug. This sometimes happens even with kids whose primary love language is Physical Touch. It can be a bit like hugging a porcupine. (By the way, you know how to hug a porcupine, don’t you? Very carefully…) But even when they seem to bristle, there’s a part of a Physical Touch kid that still longs to feel your loving and appropriate touch.
The word “appropriate” should be in ALL CAPS. The statistics for physical and sexual abuse in our culture are alarming. More lives than ever before have been wrecked because of inappropriate physical touch. National statistics indicate that one in three of the women who will read this blog have been physically and/or sexually abused. For men, the statistics are roughly half those of women. It’s an issue that isn’t going away in our world. So we have to talk about what is appropriate touch and what isn’t. But the fact is that doing this isn’t that difficult. The dividing line between appropriate and inappropriate touch is actually pretty easy to describe. Appropriate touch is non-sexual and non-violent. People who have no sense of the distinction for the line on these two things are called perpetrators and abusers.
Speaking your Physical Touch child’s love language is all about being mature enough to know where this line is, and letting it inform and educate your approach to your kid’s need, without letting it keep you from really engaging with them, physically.
Sometimes dads struggle to know how to engage their Physical Touch daughters, as their little girls become young women. Out of fear, some dads quit hugging and touching, altogether. They don’t want to offend their daughter or be misunderstood to be touching them inappropriately. This is a legitimate concern. But it doesn’t need to keep a dad from speaking his Physical Touch daughter’s love language. Affectionate hugs, gently stroking her cheek, or patting her on the back, or holding her hand are all ways you can speak the Physical Touch love language.
With boys, don’t be afraid to rough house with them, even when they get into their teens. Be careful, though. They might be able to take you out! Which they’ll rub in when they do. Just be emotionally prepared for the fact that you’ll have a little “Alpha Dog” competition.
Teen-aged boys also need other more affectionate touches from both their mom and their dad. Dad, don’t relegate the affection stuff to Mom. Pat your boy on the back, tussle his hair, even hug him. Look for the right time, but don’t quit being physically affectionate with your boy.
Some Suggestions
OK, that just scrapes the surface of the whole Love Language thing. It’s enough to get you thinking, but it’s not nearly enough to help you become really effective in speaking your kid’s (or your spouse’s) Love Language.
I have two recommendations for going further with this. First, go to this web site and access the many FREE resources available there (especially the Assessments): http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. I think it’s the finest resource you’ll come across for The Five Love Languages.
The second suggestion is that you purchase one of the Five Love Language books (we have them in our Canyon Echo Bookstore). Choose the one that seems to best fit with your family’s season. Read it for yourself, and let God use it to help you develop your skills as a loving parent.
One more suggestion… Keep checking back on this great blog. You can find all kinds of great helps and suggestions and resources here. Hey, we’re in your corner! We believe you can have a great family and raise fabulous kids. We’re your partner. And God believes this about you, too! Together we can form a great partnership.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
The Hypersocialized Generation
Hey Parents & Students,
Go to this link (http://www.albertmohler.com/category/video/) and click on The Hypersocialized Generation video. It is well worth 35 minutes of your time. Hope you all are doing well. You're in our prayers.
Go to this link (http://www.albertmohler.com/category/video/) and click on The Hypersocialized Generation video. It is well worth 35 minutes of your time. Hope you all are doing well. You're in our prayers.
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