I just got off the phone with my 4 year old. Hearing his voice brings such a joy to my heart. With no obligation whatsoever I simply said, “I love you bud.” With that he responded, “I love you too.” Those words melt my heart, and I know that as he gets older he is going to act like he doesn’t want to hear that as much, especially in front of his friends. Yet, one thing I know is that inside he will be crying out for my affirmation and love. Some of us think back to our teenage years thankful that we heard those words from our parents; others wish they had heard them more.
Why is this important? It’s simple. Teenagers often times determine their identity and a decision based on how it feels. A negative comment from a friend or their own negative self evaluation after looking in the mirror can send them into a panic. However, a text from a person they like can send them joyfully through the roof. One minute they’re down, and in the next minute they act like they just won a million dollars. To those on the outside, this seems like an emotional rollercoaster. That is why it is so important that you always remember that you were like that once too.
As a parent it can be easy to brush off those feelings as normal adolescents, or by simply ignoring them by telling yourself they’ll get through it. These emotions are what it is like to be a normal teenager. Muller makes a bold statement by saying, “To be written off by an insensitive parent is the type of rejection that can send a ‘normal’ teenager over the edge to clinical depression and even suicide. Much of a teenager’s emotional resilience is built in and through a healthy relationship with Mom and Dad.” (Muller, pg. 76). I don’t believe that this quote is intended to scare you, or to make you walk on egg shells around your teen. I believe he stresses it to help us realize the importance of our teenager’s emotions. What may look like a little zit on the face to you is Mt. Everest to your teen. Can’t you remember that? In the same way what may seem a little problem to you may be a huge ordeal to your teen. Teens do overreact, and most of the time that may be case, but it must not encourage us to disregard their feelings. They are very real to them. Therefore, the best thing we can do as parents is actively listen.
There are times in which the emotions of our teen can be a sign of a deeper issue. Home must be a safe place in which you can lovingly ask questions of your teen to see what is really going on. You must be prepared that your teen may reject your questioning so that you don’t overreact in the moment. Just simply reaffirm your love for them. Understand that you also acted like this, and know that while they soak in their brokenness, your love reveals to them there is a truth that is superior to their emotions. One of the most powerful insights I have gained over this year is to preach the gospel to myself. So many times we talk about the love Christ has for those who believe, yet do you realize that love for yourself? Does your teen? As parents we must stress the importance of a truth that is real no matter how we feel about it. Don’t just reaffirm your love, but also the love of Christ.
If you haven’t picked up this book in our bookstore, do it now. This chapter had so many incredible insights. As always know we are praying for you.
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